Acts of Service
Words of Affirmation
Everyone likes all of these languages to a point & are needing different amounts of each, but overall each person has a primary love language. It just depends on what your make up by GOD is.
Out of the 5 love languages my primary love language is words of affirmation. I have a need to be told that I am beautiful, that I am doing a good job, that I am loved, etc. My husbands primary love language is physical touch. I know what your thinking. Of course it is, he’s a man. No really, it goes beyond just sex. Hand holding, hugs, kisses, sitting closely to one another, caressing in a non sexual way, and yes sex. These are examples of some of the physical touches that my husband requires to feel loved. For both of us the other love languages come in dead last on the list. What to do then? I’m terrible at physical touch and he is terrible at words of affirmation. Why? For me I have had a lot of horrible things happen to me. I was raped twice, was in a super abusive relationship, had a very trying upbringing (my childhood and teenage years were pretty intense), got left a lot by my mom (it was the only way she knew how to cope), etc… I am trying very hard to over come those issues. I ended up coping in a manner of self numbing which resulted in even more issues. I do not want those issues to define who I am. For my husband, it was from the way he was raised. Words of affirmation were not done. I can not tell you what his struggle is and if he is trying to change that. All I can say is that I would hope that he is striving for that.
What to do now? Patients. Oh, patients. I am so horrible at them. That would be number one.
Another objective is trying to work on my own weaknesses. Overcoming what is holding me back. They say time heals all wounds. I’m here to tell you that no, it does not. It dulls them but, does not take them away. You can’t just ignore them. You have to make the effort to destroy them, if there is the ability to do so. It may take a lot of time but, it will be time worth spent.
A third task would be understanding and forgiveness. I know that’s two but, they go together. Understanding that the other person may not have the ability to fully meet that need at that exact time, and forgiveness when things do not go how you need/want them to.
The fourth and last would be love. No matter what, continue to have love. Plus, I realized that all of my needs for “filling up” don’t have to come from my husband. Yes, that would be ideal but, nothing is ever ideal, so when he is not capable, others are and they can also speak into my life.
Love languages are not just for use in marriage but, in all relationships. Friendships, family-ships, In- law-ships, etc. Try to be mindful if you care about others.
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
It’s a great book! You’ll have to check it out.