It has taken me almost ten years to realize that my marriage can never, and will never be perfect. That Tony can not be perfect and neither can I. The core to making a good marriage work is, GOD and being selfless. Lots of people, including myself, have tried to change others., for “their” well being, right? BIG realization, I can not make another person change. They have to want to change, they have to strive to change, but in the end it is ultimately up to them if they change, and what they choose to do with that change. Keeping GOD as the center of my marriage, is what is going to continue to keep our marriage going. Always seeking others, including my husband, to fill me is always going to leave me needing more. Seeking GOD to fill those needs will allow me to remain full. What does that look like? I need to remain in him. Studying the bible, worshiping him every day, praying every day as much as I can, and doing things for him. I enjoy helping and giving to the homeless. I want to reach out and help at missions, and I’m going to find an orphanage to help at too.
The biggest realization that hit me right between the eyes was that, if I sought GOD and worshiped in him, I would as a result, be full and no longer seek for my husband or anyone else, to fill me. It is naive to think that one person or multiple people can fill me, because the only thing that can fill me is GOD. Have you ever noticed what is happening around you when things are going well? Other then the obvious, happiness and contentment. I haven’t taken the time to notice, until right now! For me when things are going really well, I feel full. I am not seeking anything, thereby my needs are being met, and it is in those times, that I have sought hard after GOD, worshiping and working in the things that he calls me to do, and I totally felt the hand of GOD reach out and guide me towards tranquility and peace. It is in those times that GOD himself has filled me to the brim. Smack! If I sought GOD instead of seeking after the longings of my needs, my needs in turn may be met.
What does all this mean? What it boils down to is, that yes, I have needs, but no it’s not all up to my husband to meet those needs. The majority is for me to allow GOD to. By coming to GOD in worship and working in him I can remain full. Ok Mandy, so is what your saying, that if you just believe have faith in GOD and worship GOD, everything will be roses? NOPE! Not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is, that the pressure that I have demanded on Tony, to have to step up and meet my needs is not how my needs will ultimately be met. He needs to be held accountable! It’s not just about letting him off the hook and being able to do what he wants when he wants to do it. It’s about, if he truly has a heart for GOD and truly loves me, he will find a way that works best for him, to meet my needs.