As a mother of 6, I question my parenting abilities, A LOT!
Are they getting what they need, should I be doing this or that, do I allow this or that, etc? Kid’s are crazy little creatures. They adapt really easy and are amazingly resilient, so when I screw up, they are able to bounce back. I aim to be the best parent that I can be. I understand there are many different definitions of what that might look like, so I’ll define what that looks like for me and to me. In order to do that I need to start from the beginning, my beginning. I grew up in different times. Parenting techniques were nothing of what they are today. The majority of parents back then, actually taught their children respect and a good strong work ethic, (I will go into this more in another post). You worked for what you needed let alone wanted. I was raised mainly by my mother who was in and out of relationships. She had a lot of demons that she needed to attend to as well, so a lot of times I was left to my own devices. On weekends or breaks from school I often went to my grandparents, my aunts, or to my dad’s. My grandparents were from a time where manners and very hard work ethic is what defined a person. They installed in me, many of those values. The reason I go into this is because it directs a person to the question: Do we parent how we were parented? I believe to a degree, yes we do. It’s what we know, what we have been taught, and we are familiar with and understand it. That being said, does the parenting style that we were raised with, define us as parents today? My answer: Only if you allow it to. If you want to change then make the effort and get it done, instead of continually whining and using it as an excuse. Fix what you do not like rather than staying in that perpetual cycle. Stop using excuses for the negative parenting that you received and change it! After going thru the way I was raised and correlating that to my parenting today as far as the statement, I aim to be the best parent I can be. What that looks like, I would say, I parent similar to how I was raised, but have adapted and changed other aspects into it as well. Some positive and unfortunately some negative new aspects. Similar positives are, that I love my children. I came to the realization that if something ever happened to anyone of my children my world would stop. Similar negatives, I’m a yeller. Not a good quality, but I’m working on that. Patients would help with that, but I don’t have that either. Two Strikes Down! The biggest thing that I have chosen to do differently is to raise the children with faith. Making sure that they understand the importance of knowing GOD and living obediently to him, in the end, leaving it up to them to decide whether they want to continue on with that faith.
Second would be to home school them. Homeschooling is mind numbingly difficult and takes HUGE amounts of time, but also in the end is very worth it. Our children receive a very challenging education. Public school was all about the social status and social beat downs that would happen every day, because let’s face it, that’s what middle school and high school amounted to. It had hardly nothing to do with education and everything to do with the “social game” of nothingness. FYI, I chose NOT to continue on with the life sucking friendships that I obtained from those periods of my life. The friends our children have are real friends. Friends that also understand what is truly important in life. This is a choice we have made.
Third, I am a very protective mama bear. I do not like to see my children hurting. Yes, I know that I need to let them fail to be able to cope, and learn now instead of later in life where the consequences could be catastrophic. I’m also working on that. I’m slowly getting it.
Fourth, a good strong work ethic. Teaching them that what they are entitled to, is work and that when you work hard, you are able to have things. That saving is just as important as spending and tithing trumps them both. Teaching them when and how to do all three. There are many more, but as you can see I’m a work in progress. I still aim to be better and am striving to get there every day. GOD has gifted me/us with so many of these huge blessings, and it is amazing the amount of grace and mercy he allots me when I screw up. Seeing and understanding that helps me to strive to have that kind of grace and mercy for our children when they don’t do what they are supposed to. There are many many parenting books that you can get to help you find your nitch, but the only book that you really need to help you aid in raising your children is THE BIBLE, GOD’s word. It shows us a clear cut way on how we should raise our children to flourish. I believe that is what all parents want, at least I do. To see my children flourish. To leave this world better then when they came into it.