I can say with the utmost certainty, I am all of the above.
I love people, well most people, haha! Just kidding. I like to get together, talk and hang out, but only to a certain degree. I enjoy hearing about how people are, what they are up to and for those that I’m really close with, the deep aspects in their lives. Here again is the investment in people that I have talked about before. All day, almost every day at work, I converse and in-gauge with sometimes hundreds of people each day, people I do not even know. As a result of that, when it comes time for “personal time”, I’m already spent and exhausted, and need to just be around those that I trust and care about. On the shyness factor scale, my friend says, there is painfully shy, and just shy. I would say I’m shy until I get to know you and trust you. I tend to trust people pretty early with all my heart and have been told that that is a mistake. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt until they hurt me. Then I will be standoffish until I feel safe again.
I love time by myself as well. I enjoy relaxing and watching a movie or TV show. I think I would like reading if I could stay awake long enough to get past page one. I love to write. Hence the blog. I like to take time to research different topics that I’m interested in. Cleaning. Yes, I said cleaning. I’m a little OCD. 🙂 I like things organized and clean. Though with six children and a husband that can be a bit of a challenge. Good thing I like challenges. I am really competitive especially with myself. What does that mean? I always try to top myself. To do something a little more or a little better each day. Just one more rep, just one higher incline, just clean this rooms carpet, etc. You get the picture.
Where does the shyness comes from? Lack of self confidence? Lack of trust? Striving to be perfect? Lack of knowing the right words to say and when to say them? Probably for me, I struggle with varying degrees of all of them. I know what your thinking, wow, live and let live. Just be you and if others are not accepting of that then forget them. That’s easier said then done, especially if it’s people you care about the most. I’m working on having that attitude and growing in being me. I have extremely high expectations for myself. I strive to be the best at whatever I do. Yep, that’s a huge set up for failure but, that’s my make up. I do not want to be lukewarm at things. I do not want to be mediocre. I want to be the best, but not in an arrogant way. Yeah, I’m a work in progress.
So, like I said above. I am all three. Just depends on where I am in life. GOD gifts people in different ways and I am thankful for that. How boring would it be if we were all the exact same?